And It Goes On...

The day is almost done. It was full of studying for a biology test. Negative feedback mechanisms and the structure of the eye run through my mind.  The words call out from downstairs, "Come and see what came in the mail."

Thankful for the break, I go downstairs and there are papers-pink, yellow, and purple lying on the counter-top. A smile crosses my face as I see the familiar handwriting of my friends half a world away and I finger the pages with excitement and joy.

I turn back to my books but something pops into my head and I scribble it down on the corner of my notes. Four simple words.

And it goes on...

A little reminder that the legacy of the past few years is not over.

Mom reads out bits and pieces of letters and I save my personal ones, tucking them into the pages of my Biology textbook, as I wait for my Biology exam to be done the next day to read them.

At the end of my exam, I wait to be picked up and eagerly turn to the letters that I had waited to read. The words brought smiles to my face and memories of three beautiful years of friendship come back

"And it goes on..."

That phrase echo in my brain as I think of the words in those letters. The words of encouragement, of laughter, of preparing for exams again. Of a little boy in a wheelchair saying that he misses us and the one who wants me to teach him guitar.

You see, it isn't that much different than it was when we lived in the same country. That girl still encouraged me every time I saw her, and that little boy was always asking me if he could play my guitar.

So it goes on, this friendship of ours.

It goes on through pictures on the wall of little boys smiles.

It goes on through letters in my bedroom that I read one by one, picturing the faces and hearing the voices speaking those words.

It goes on through emails, notes, letters. Through the basketball advice and the updates on the books that they are reading.

It goes on through the nicknames, the "I miss you's" and the questions about when we are coming to visit.

Our friendships aren't over, like my deepest fears had always imagined. No, they may not be the same but they are still there.

Because we have a bond that is stronger than time. Stronger than distance. It is stronger than words on the page and days gone by. Even stronger than death. The few years that we spent together knit us together as family, brothers and sisters in Christ. We are brothers and sisters that won't be torn apart by trials, sadness, tears, goodbyes, and death because we belong to the eternal family of God. A family that will never be broken.

And it, this friendship, it goes on...over cultures, over oceans, over prayer and good memories.

It goes on.

~Catriona

Even Then…There is Joy

When we’re surrounded by hard circumstances, and the sky just keeps falling, and the waves just keep coming, we can become so swamped in our own problems that we miss the joy.

But there is so much joy waiting to be discovered!

In the month-old neighbor baby who is learning to smile

In walking through wet morning grass to kneel in soft dirt and plant trees that will one day be taller than we are

In 26 children saying in unison, “You are welcome, Auntie Kasana!”

In overflowing plates of matoke and g-nut sauce

In peaceful morning Bible readings up on a water tower

In waving to everyone you pass on the road

In dancing and whooping in church

In knowing that God never leaves nor forsakes us

In cheering crowds welcoming boys home

We can’t wait for that “perfect time” to find joy, because that time will never come. We will never be entirely problem and stress free until we reach Heaven. Thus, we need to be able, with God’s help, to see the joy even in the hardship, hurt, and disappointment, because that’s when we need it the most.

Psalm 27: 5-7 reminds us that joy is not dependent on our circumstances when it says, “For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent and set me high upon a rock. Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me;at his sacred tent, I will sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the Lord. Hear my voice when I call, Lord; be merciful to me and answer me.”

When we we’re struggling financially, we can know the joy of God’s provision. When we’re struggling relationally, we can find joy in God as the everlasting friend and father. People around us can also spread God’s joy through their words, actions, prayers or even a smile.

Sometimes, when I don’t feel there’s much to be happy about, let alone joyful about, God will drop a a little sweet something on my path for that day and I will remember that He is with me, and He is in control. As the giver of joy He can replenish us over and over again without ever becoming empty. And His presences provides yet another reason we can always be joyful! With Him before us, behind us, and walking with us, we can’t help exuding His joy!

Joy also lies in looking past the suffering to what lies ahead: everlasting peace and joy.
Psalm 30:5 says, “For his anger is but for a moment, and his favor for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.”

Even when we’re bombarded by hardship on all sides and no hope is in sight, we can still find joy through it all. Indeed, perhaps that is the truest joy of all as it is lasting, not relying on our circumstances. That is the joy worth having.

-Kasana

Forget Not

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits. (Psalm 103:1-2 ESV)

If you have read our posts, you have probably noticed a running theme going on.  Living in another country is difficult. Having your parents serve as missionaries is difficult.  Moving across the world multiple times is difficult.  So often we forget all the good things God has done for us.  It is easy to forget and to dwell on the tough things.  But time and time again, God’s Word tells us to “remember”. 

In the Old Testament, the Israelites were commanded to remember how they were slaves in Egypt and how God gave them freedom. “You shall remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt, and the Lord your God redeemed you; therefore I command you this today.” (Deuteronomy 15:15 ESV)  And yet, there seemed to be a pattern. The Israelites continuously forgot.  It’s easy to judge the Israelites.  We may think, “But God freed them from slavery. He parted a sea so they could cross through. He gave them food in the desert. He gave them victory after victory. How could they forget?”

But am I really so different? The truth is that sometimes, too often, I am like the Israelites.  I forget all the things that God has done for me.  I forget the friends and family He has given to me. I forget that He has been with me in every moment—the good and the hard.  I forget the time He gave me with the people I have had to say good-bye to (some for a while; some until heaven).   Instead of taking time to reflect on what God has done for me, I ask Him why He would let something happen.  It seems backwards, since He loved me so much He sent His son to die for my sins, but it is so easy to do. 

Psalm 103 is a psalm that comes to my mind again and again.  It’s one that seems to pop up everywhere I go.  I don’t believe this is a coincidence. God is trying to tell me something.  I’m supposed to remember, to forget not, all of God’s benefits. 

“Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good, so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.” (Psalm 103:1-5 ESV)

This psalm has so much in it, but one thing that struck me recently was the “benefits” that are mentioned in the first few verses.   These verses don’t deal with God giving you good, safe, happy, healthy, easy times.  They actually talk about God redeeming and bringing His people through the hard times.  He forgives our sin, heals all our diseases, redeems our lives from the pit. I personally don’t think sin, disease, or the pit is anything that people want.  However, these are the first three things that David mentions.  Because God brought him through those trials, crowned him with steadfast love and mercy, satisfied him with good, and renewed his youth. 

I want to learn to remember.  To forget not God’s benefits that I do not deserve in any way. Because if I forget not, the natural response will be praise to God.  I will be able to “bless the LORD” with my whole heart, not because He has given me a particularly easy life, but because He has been with me the whole time and will bring me through every trial.

~Christina

Letting Go

Thankfully, saying goodbye also means saying hello. 

 Leaving means arriving. 

 Letting go means receiving more. 

 Dying means being re-born.

 One door closes and another opens. 

A couple months ago, I wrote those words on the last page of my journal—the journal I’d written in for four years. During that time, I’d recently heard that I was moving back to the States, and I was trying desperately to find some hope in the sadness. 

God just planted those words in my mind, reminding me that it wasn’t all over. Yes, I would be saying goodbye, and leaving, but that didn’t mean I would have nothing. First of all, I would still have Him. And I would also have new friends and experiences, without even entirely losing my old ones! Yes, my life would be different, and it would be hard, but it could be a good different. And I would have to trust that He knew what he was doing, that something good would come out of it all. I have to believe that something beautiful will rise from the ashes…that from the tears, something new will grow. 

Sometimes we just have to let go, and trust that our hands will be filled again. But the hardest part is believing that so completely that we will indeed be willing to let go. A couple weeks ago, I went on a retreat with the worship teams of my church. One of the activities I had to do was a trust fall. I had to stand on a stack of chairs, with my hands tied, and fall backwards onto the clasped hands of two rows of people. I was terrified! Did I trust the people standing there to catch me? Yes! But there was still a nagging thought in the back of my mind. What if they don’t? Okay, so maybe I didn’t trust them…at least not completely! The hardest part was forcing myself to actually lean back and fall. That’s why I decided to get it over with as quickly as possible. When I called, “Here I come!” I fell, as in that second! And guess what? They caught me! Actually, I just laid there for a moment with my eyes closed…my thoughts at that point were, Wait, am I actually alive? Oh, I am! And God is a lot stronger than the people who caught me!

Psalms 81:10 says: 

"I, the LORD, am your God, Who brought you up from the land of Egypt; Open your mouth wide and I will fill it.

And Psalm 126:2 says:

“Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, “The LORD has done great things for them.”

So yes, it’s hard to let go. And I know I’m going to struggle with that more and more as my leaving date draws closer…but I want to be willing to be empty, if only for the joy of being filled up again by my Father! 

-Kasana

Take Another Step

Writer's Block. Since April on this blog. Hmm....

I've got ideas...but they won't come to words. Or the words that I have started to write are on another computer at a different house where we used to be staying. Hmm...perhaps it just ain't gonna happen (good English, I know.)

Probably because watching the Blue Jays game on TV is a lot easier than writing something...hmm...that may be contributing.

Well, here's what we are going to do. We are going to walk through and see what has happened since April. Then maybe some words will come. Let's see...

1. Sweet girl named Carol, age 5 died. I attended her burial and memorial service...and cried a lot of tears.

2. I said good bye to one of my best friends in the whole world, there was peace, but it also came with lots of tears. As I said good bye, I thought of my own that were coming and I wanted to stop the time.

3. Our last two months were filled with visitors and trips and fellowship between the people who have become family to me. Very, very precious and special times.

4. Then, I said good bye to all of them. All those people who have become family-brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, jajjas...little ones who won't remember me the next time I see them. Special people who may not be there when I go back.

5. I moved to the other side of the world and had to re-adjust to my home culture

 

Obviously, much more than that has happened, but those are the top five things that I remember from the past four months. All of these things have changed my life in really big ways. And sometimes, it is very easy to feel lost. After all, most of my friends are on the other side of the world right now. One very precious girl is in heaven. I'm in a country that I haven't lived in for three years. I need to learn things all over again. Like how to use a microwave or a washing machine. And sometimes, it is easy to give up and despair. To wonder why I am so far away from my friends and my "home."

But earlier this week, by chance, as I was listening to some music this chorus began to play, while I was doing something else but it struck me hard.

 

"Take another step, take another step
When the road ahead is dark
And you don’t know where to go
Take another step, take another step
Trust God and take another step
And another step and another step
Take another step and another step and another step"

 

These words. Three simple words: Take another step. Trust God. Take another step.

 

Even when you have said good bye to your best friends.

 

Take another step.

 

Even when you have left your home.

Take another step.

 

Even when you have no plans for the future.

 

Take another step.

 

Even when everything is lost.

Take another step.

 

Even when you can't go on.

Take another step.

 

In other words, trust.

 

Trust in the God who has led us this far...

 

And trust in the God who will continue to lead us on...

 

The road is dark. I don't know where I'm going or where my family is going. We are in transition right now along with many other people I know. We can't see past the darkness that shadows the road, where we are supposed to go or do, but I am reminded. Trust God. Take another step, and one step at a time, He will lead us to where He wants us.

 

He know where we are going. He knows every step we will take, whether it is through the valley or to the top of the mountain. If that step will be on our feet or on our knees. He knows.

 

Don't give up.

 

Take another step.

 

Trust.

 

You who fear him, trust in the Lord—
    he is their help and shield.

~Psalm 115:11

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/stevencurtischapman/takeanotherstep.html

Laughter Lines

I'll see you in the future when we're older

And we are full of stories to be told

Cross my heart and hope to die

I'll see you with your laughter lines.

It's become a season of goodbyes for me. 

Of hard goodbyes. Of bittersweet goodbyes. Of 'see you soon's and 'we'll catch up later's; but also of 'goodbye, I may never see you again on this earth'. 

It all started when I left Uganda for the States two months ago. I'm not gone that long- only for two more weeks. But when I left, I left behind two amazing friends who were also saying goodbyes. For them, though, it was permanent. I'll see them again, no doubt. But never in the same place. Never doing the same things. Those are all memories now. 

And I ask myself, how could time have gone so quickly?

Now, I've just finished my summer job, working as a camp counselor. Oh the times I had- the memories created, the friendships made. I had so much fun. I grew so much, learned so much. And some of the friends I've made, I would have liked to keep near me for much longer. To get to know them better, to hear their stories and be a part of their lives. 

But it's over now. Those times are gone. People move on, including me, and again I ask…

how could time have gone so quickly?

It's goodbye to those amazing people who have had even such a small impact on my life. Goodbye to the opportunities to laugh with them, to cry with them. To just be with them. 

I was reading a blog just a few minutes ago, called How to say goodbye by Hannah Brencher. She says this:

"Goodbye is the starting point you don’t see because the finish line is so piled high with tears and last words and fears that this– this thing you have right here– will never be the same.

And yes, it feels like something in the room is dead or dying or about to die. And the scary thing about that? That’s already true too.

Something is dying. We can’t even ignore it. It sounds so morbid but goodbye is really just admitting that something is dying. You two came together– for a month or for a year or for five of those years– and you built something. You breathed your whole little life into that thing. Your secrets. Your fears. Your laughter. All into that thing. That friendship thing, that “I’ve never really met someone like you” sort of thing. And then, out of nowhere, it feels like something comes along and lobs the whole thing into pieces. That’s what a goodbye will do." 

(http://hannahbrencher.com/2014/05/07/how-to-say-goodbye/)

These seasons have died. A season of friendships in Uganda, and a season of learning and growing and friendships here in the States. Nothing will be the same from here on out. Goodbyes will do that. 

I'm trying to find the balance between grieving these goodbyes, and not letting the memories become painful. God gave us a memory for a reason, which means that He didn't want fun times to turn into things that hurt when we recall them. I want to be able to enjoy the memories that I have; but I don't want to live in them and wish that I could relive them. Because that's not what He calls us to do. We are in the present for a reason. 

We have those memories for a reason.

So I will enjoy the memories: New Year's Eve surprises, movie making, songs sung, great conversations, laughter galore… water polo, mud fights, DC tours, turtles rebuking their subordinates, and more laughter… Memories that have shaped who I am and have given me a glimpse of who Jesus is. 

Even though the summer's over now, and the past five years in Uganda are over, at least the memories will stay. And that's important. 

And what's exciting, is that I will see these people again. Maybe not on here on earth. But I will laugh with them again. I will be able to enjoy them, to hug them again. 

I'll see them again, with their laughter lines.

~Kara 

Impossible to Understand

Some things are impossible to understand. As in totally incomprehensible, ridiculous, and tragic. 

I want to know the whys, the whats, the hows, and sometimes I can't. I'm not allowed to, or no one knows. 

Sometimes it just seems pointless. 

We wonder "Why, oh Lord?" and "How long, oh Lord?" and we get no answer. Or so it seems. 

Maybe we repeat the words of Solomon in Ecclesiastes 1,

"Everything is Meaningless, utterly meaningless!" 

And it's true. Without God. 

But with him nothing's meaningless. Everything is part of his plan and purpose. It may not make any sense to us then or even later, but his perfect story for our lives and the lives of those around us will prevail.

Our mistakes, sins, and failings don't faze Him. He is ready, willing, and able to perfect even our worst shortcomings. Isn't that amazing? 

That doesn't mean I never worry or am always content with His plan! 

My heart still aches and I wonder, "Why did she have to die?" "Why put them through so much pain for something they didn't do?" "Why is this happening?" when a staff member’s unborn child dies, or boys I know are in prison for a crime they didn’t commit.

But the more I rest in Jesus's arms and give up my burdens to him, the more I am able to trust that He knows what He's allowing to happen, and He will triumph through it. 

One of my current favorite Bible sections from Romans 5: 3-5 says, "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character hope. And hope doesn't not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he had given us." And that gives me hope. 

-Kasana